n–noun
1.
the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.
2.
the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
3.
an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.
4.
something expected; a thing looked forward to.
5.
Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: tohave great expectations.
6.
the degree of probability that something will occur: There islittle expectation that he will come.
8.
the state of being expected: a large sum of money in expectation.
—Synonyms
expectancy, anticipation; hope, trust.
In and of itself, the definition of expectation brings forth a new understanding. Sometimes we think we understand the meaning of a word, only to read the definition and come to understand it in a new light.
I had the opportunity to visit my grandmother, and my husband's grandmother during the Thanksgiving holidays. Both women have similarities in that they were both housewives in the 1950's, they both had 4 children near about the same time frames, and both stayed at home to raise the children. I want to know the true expectations of a 1950's woman. I don't want to know the stereotypical Hollywood portrayal. I'm in search of truth. There is no better way to know the truth then to ask those who lived it!
Stereotypically, the 1950's woman in today's society, is portrayed as a virtual slave to her husband. Does what he says, when he says, has dinner on the table when he arrives home, and the woman doesn't have a say as to what takes place... she simply obeys her husband's every whim. An excellent example of this nonsense is the "How To Be A Good Wife" spoof. I'm constantly amazed that people believe everything they read as gospel. I read on one site that it was put together by a group of college feminists who passed it around campus in an attempt to discourage women from falling to the "preys of society"... but there is no proof. I mean, for all I know it was a husband playing a prank on his wife who I'm sure got the frying pan to the head for his antics!
Personally, I have been blessed in my family. I was able to know my great-grandfather until I was 13, and my great-grandmother until I was 18. I was able to see them interact with each other as well as my grandparents. Knowing the women of my family, I can not see any of them conforming to the hullabaloo of the "Good Wife" spoof. That being said, I also understand that there were social expectations put upon both my great-grandmother and grandmother. My goal was to dig for the truth in understanding these social expectations. Like I said, I was also privileged to talk to my husband's grandmother, and with knowing the family for 18 years, it made it easier for me to look deeper and understand the differences shared between both grandmothers.
The best way for me to share my findings is categorically.
The Husband/Wife Relationship: So, if the "Good Wife" rules were a spoof, how exactly did the husband and wife interact with each other? The answer is the same way husband's and wives interact today... each family is different. There is no "stereotypical" way! There was no heavenly glow on the 50's... their attitudes towards each other weren't one way in the 50's, another in the 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's. My grandmother said that my grandfather would most definitely help out around the house when things needed to be done. (Yep! Sounds just like the man I knew!) My husband's grandmother said the opposite... he went to work and when he came home, he didn't do any of the household work. (Amazingly.... just like the man I knew!) My husband and I were discussing the issue and his grandmother does fit more into serving and obedient role described in the infamous "Good Wife" rules than my grandmother. The reason behind this, we believe, is not due to social expectations, but rather due to religious expectations. Religious expectations, in and of themselves, vary widely depending upon what you believed in and how it was taught. Understanding religious expectations verse social expectations is simply too deep of an issue, and not one I think I really want to get into.
My personal take on the husband and wife relationship is simple. Treat each other as you would want to be treated. It's a simple concept. I don't get my feminist ruffles ruffled when he asks me to get him a glass of water... it's not a big deal, besides I ask him to get me things too. There is not a running chart keeping track of who does more. There is also the concept of mutual respect. Take this project for instance. I'm sure there are men out there who if their wives took on a more "50's approach" to being a housewife they would take advantage of it and stereotypically belittle and degrade them. My husband knows better, lol. I don't say that in a feminist way either... I say it in the same tone I'm sure my grandmother did. Working together for a common goal is much better than us working singlehandedly. Ok, off my soap-box and continuing with the various topics....
Clothing: Both grandmother's claimed to not remember jeans in the 1950's, although in the fashion-era blog it states that jeans were considered leisure wear by the 1940's. I would assume that jeans would have been mainly worn on farms and slowly brought into mainstream fashion by teenagers of the 50's through film stars such as James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Elvis Presley. I did see an episode of "Leave It to Beaver", where June Cleaver was wearing cuffed jeans while she helped Beaver do yard work!
Speaking of June Cleaver, here is a great interview with Barbara Billingsley about her role and social expectations of being June Cleaver!
I was under the impression that women might have worn jeans to clean the house so I asked my grandmother. She said that no, she didn't wear jeans she wore a day dress. I asked if it was hard to clean that way and her response was "eh, we did it. We didn't know any better". Being "put together" daily seems like such a foreign concept to me. I asked both grandmothers about it and the word both of them used the term "it was expected". My grandmother said that yes there were days like today where you didn't FEEL like getting ready... "you just simply did it", she said.
My husband's grandmother said she used to go to the beauty parlor every two weeks to get her hair done. I can remember my grandmother used to (and surely still does) set her hair in pin curls.
Housekeeping:
In many of my housekeeping & cookbooks from the 40's-50's they mention having a maid to help around the house. One book stated that having paid help around the house during that time showed how financially well the gentleman of the house was doing. (Obviously that was a woman bribing her husband for help, LOL!) To me it is amusing especially since the average home in 1950 was 1,000 sq. feet and today the average is 2,400 square feet. Oh how I'd love to have help around the house, so this was something I was anxious to hear the answer of... did either grandmother have help around the house? The answer was a resounding, no. At least not in the sense of having paid help. Both grandmother's lived very close to their own mother's and my grandmother especially kept remarking on how her mom would watch the kids whenever she needed and was a huge help. In today's society with bustling highways and technological advancements in the internet, web cameras, cell phones, etc. we don't think about moving half way across the country (or world!) because everything seems to be connected and instantly we are able to communicate with each other. The one thing we are losing in this modern day is the close knit family that even I knew of growing up. (And yes, I was the one that moved 10 hours away from everyone)
Raising Children:
Both grandmothers I spoke with had 4 children. All of the children had chores to do in their families. My grandmother for instance said some of the things her kids had to do was keep their rooms tidy and make their beds everyday. My husband's grandmother and two of her kids chimed in with what they had to do for chores: mowing the lawn, washing the car, and scrubbing hardwood floors. My grandmother said that really she had great kids and that they would help out around the house when things needed to be done even if it wasn't their chore to do so. (Talk about major advice... how do I get MY kids to do that?!) I also shared with my grandmother my dad's story of how he had to move rocks from one pile to the other and she just giggled and said "yeah, we would discipline them by having them do silly things like that". Silly or not, my dad said it worked, so it really does give new thoughts to disapline rather than simply spanking or time outs.
Laundry:
Having an automatic washer and dryer is something that I've always known. It seems completely foreign to me to know that there were other ways to wash clothes and it happened not to long ago!
Having 4 kids of my own, and struggling with keeping all of the laundry done, I realize that I have nothing to complain about and I just need to get off my duff and get it done. You hear about laundry day, but my grandmother said that with 4 kids, sometimes laundry took 2 days! She had to hang clothes on the line. She said "it wasn't fun. They didn't have disposable diapers." She said at one time she could have two clothes lines full of diapers hanging. My husband's mom even told us the story of the time she got her hair caught in the wringer.... OUCH! I'm so glad that today's laundry is a lot less painful!
Social Gatherings: Again, I think this is based upon personality. Obviously if you were a young, outgoing couple without children your social life would be much like I assume it is today for such people. Your able to go out and do things simply because you don't have the responsibility of children yet. Once you have children, and the more you have, things become restrictive on who will watch the kids, as well as financial aspects. While it is nice to envision cool cocktail parties...
I'd say that most parents with children we're, just like today.... throwing birthday parties....
Working Outside the Home:
Neither grandmother worked outside of the home. Neither claimed that they wanted to either. In fact when I asked my grandmother if she ever desired to work outside the home her response was, "Not really. I always felt there was plenty of work to be done around the house". I was curious to see if either woman felt resentful towards being a housewife, but neither was. I genuinely felt as if each woman did not regret "just being a housewife".
Maybe today "just being a housewife" has such connotations because as a society our housekeeping skills leave much to be desired. It's common place to turn on the cable channels and see shows like "Clean House", "How Clean Is Your House?", "Clean Sweep", "Mission: Organization", and not to mention TLC's latest "Hoarders". Do we watch these shows to get tips? No, not unless you seek hard to find them out yourself. The point to these shows is entertainment... they want you to feel good that "at least I'm not as bad as that". This is what we have settled upon. We aren't reaching for the June Cleaver standards... we are simply settling for being better than someone who has rats in their home. Yes, those are two far ends of the spectrum, but where are your standards? Where do you want them to be?
Are there lazy homemakers? Yes. Just as there are lazy workers who get paid. Because you are a homemaker, it does not mean that you are lazy. I get the feeling sometimes that when people know I am "just a homemaker", they think I must sit around watching TV and eating bon bons all day. It all equates to expectations and standards. Today's standards for the housewife aka "stay at home mom" are, in my opinion, low. Everyone thinks that anyone can do it. Surely, anyone can just "stay at home".... that's not hard. It's maintaining everything in an orderly manner.... it's being the feminine army general leader of the home.... it's guiding everyone in a gentle, yet firm manner in the way they should go.... that is what is hard. Giving of yourself in a loving manner on a daily basis... that is hard! Teaching children things they no longer teach in school.... cooking, cleaning, manners... basic human principals.... that is hard! Being exhausted at the end of the day, but still taking the time to read a story and put little ones to bed.... it's HARD! There are no breaks, because just when you think you've got one, someone will spill the milk. We all have an image of what our home should be.... and most of us, given a choice would say, clean, organized, and well-maintained. It makes for a comfortable home.
I don't think that expectations are a bad thing. Going back to the definition, the synonym for expectations is HOPE!
